STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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