Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
