i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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