How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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