I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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