You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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