What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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