i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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