First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
