Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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