i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
