This is not my ceiling
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
