i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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