woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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