My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
