Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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