I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
