I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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