Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
