I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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