Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
