Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
two words...techno handjob
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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