I am midnight drunk by noon
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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