Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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