just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
