Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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