My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize