Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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