I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
