listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
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I need you to use more vowels.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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