ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
