so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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