would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
