I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
COCAINE IS GR8
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
