dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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