I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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