We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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