Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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