what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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