Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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