I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
