thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
