I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
