You really coming over, don't trick.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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