I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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