If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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