would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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