she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
