btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
