Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
