I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
