there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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