feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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