when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
