Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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