I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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