At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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