so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
