I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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