Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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