is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I am naked and annoyed.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
