have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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