Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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