Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
