Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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