In the future we'll all be gay
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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