I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
