I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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