I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
