it wasn't lemon gatorade
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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