I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How does one acquire holy water?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
