I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
