Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I need water and some morals
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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