My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
